July 2010
My brother is currently watching Jersey Shore
It’s funny, because I’m pretty sure he’s doing it unironically.
I just got an email from the "UK House of...
I’ll totally get on that, as soon as the US House of the Congress gets back to me with the money they owe me.
I know you shouldn't write a sketch by starting...
but I really want to write something that contains the sentence “Hulk sue for damages!”
Weirdly, Amy Adams May Star in a Janis Joplin... →
popculturebrain:
Was K Stew not available?
Will Jenna Maroney be starring in a competing bio-pic about Jackie Jormp-Jomp?
Weirdest Rumor I've Ever Heard in My Life:
LeBron James left the Cleveland Cavaliers because Delonte West was banging his mom. DubsTF, y’all?
June 2010
Is it cool to wear dance shoes if you're not a...
Because there are these “character shoes” on amazon that are adorbs and all 1920s and Courtney Love-y and I love them and I want them.
Thing I Forgot:
The brand name for petroleum jelly is Vaseline. I seriously did not remember that until I saw it in the bathroom. I seriously went “OH! Right!”
marissaallison:
A special congrats to Stacey, who just performed on stage, in front of people! I’m sure you killed it!
I did! It was amazing and I can’t wait to be back on the UCB stage on September 12th!
Are you going to be in NYC tomorrow at around 2:30...
Well, come on down to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (307 W 26th St near 8th Ave next to the Gristedes) and check out my Improv 101 Grad Show. Comes see some awesome bitches do amateur improv! Only $5! And I think the bar will be open, so $2 PBR!
When I was in college I was a big reader of...
I was transferring over from teen magazines and I preferred Glamour to the other more adult lady magazines because it didn’t focus too much on fashion or weird sex lists (like Vogue or Cosmo) and had interesting articles and recipes. One of the recipes was something called Engagement Chicken, which I didn’t think too much about 4 years ago. Engagement Chicken is just a run-of-the-mill...
The TV just reminded me: I had a dream about Joan...
That’s all I remember about that dream.
Other alternative scenarios that I've thought of...
1) Simon Amstell makes fun of us and then I say “oh yeah… well… when you were 10, you did magic on local television!” He is confused. I say “ha! I win!” And I do.
2) I invite Simon to my grad show on Sunday and he comes and we become best friends.
3) I tell Simon that he needs to eat a sandwich, because he is so tiny! I could fit him in my purse!
NASA discover Doctor Who’s crack in the middle of... →
thedeadswan:
tardisadventures:
relaxcupcake:
IT’S THE PANDORICAAA
sweet jesus.
COOLEST/CREEPIEST THING EVER.
Is that going to open up and erase us from history?
These Bananas are So Hard to Eat!: Today, the... →
thedeadswan:
Afterwards we waited outside the theater like “groupie nerds” (my friend Andy’s words, not mine, hence the quotation marks) to see if he’d come out. He did and we were standing 20 feet away from him and a posse of comedy fans circled him and regaled him with compliments (I’m presuming). We debated…
It was so much fun!
In your defense, he was talking to his posse the whole time,...
Today, the DeadSwan, her sister and I saw Simon...
Afterwards we waited outside the theater like “groupie nerds” (my friend Andy’s words, not mine, hence the quotation marks) to see if he’d come out. He did and we were standing 20 feet away from him and a posse of comedy fans circled him and regaled him with compliments (I’m presuming). We debated going up to him and “living in the moment” (which was a...
Why does MTV have 4 minutes devoted to Katy...
lakebandit:
It’s in the TV guide and everything.
Also, why is based in CandyLand and not in California? The song is called California Girls.
It’s actually called “California Gurls.” Very different.
Sacto 9-1-1: Painter Thomas Kinkade arrested for... →
scarygodmother:
morninggloria:
rosasparks:
inothernews:
dailyhuff:
He probably knew the jig was up when he saw, you know, those sparkling blue lights…
Did they ask Kinkade to walk in a straight line… that he painted?
Dood, Thomas Kinkade is a painer who SUFFERS for his art. And in turn, makes the rest of us suffer, too.
Thomas Kinkade is a TRUE artist, selling his works next to the...
"North Korea has no Seoul."
And that is my contribution to comedy today.
"For he has sold us, and he has indeed devoured...
Now, the Bible has some weird shit in it, I grant you, but this can’t really be in the Bible.
"I wanna dip my balls in it" would make for a fun...
The rules would be that one guy would be Louie, and a bunch of people would say things and he’d say “I wanna dip my balls in it” a bunch of times until one item where he says “I want to [use it as directed]” and everyone’s confused, and then he says “aw, you know what I’m gonna say” and everyone else says “no, we don’t,” and...
This sketch doesn't make sense to me.
The Amish aren’t allowed to dance, but they do and they deny being able to fight? What?
OMG, Adults at a child's party
That’s the greatest game I’ve ever heard.
I went with the State because Party Down is about...
I figure the State isn’t going to deal with real problems, because I’m pretty sketches don’t have time for character development.
Which is better, Party Down or the State?
I know the State is more important, but I hear good things about Party Down. Would either make me depressed/lose my high?
Other things I've Just Learned
1) High Me really loves Robot Unicorn Attack.
2) I only remember that Robot Unicorn Attack exists when I’m high.
Things I Learned 30 Minutes Ago
1) Weed is a really good anti-depressant.
2) A lot of ABBA songs are about depressing things, which can counter-act the anti-depressant power of weed. So do the Beatles.
3) There are so many songs about problems.
4) Robbie Williams’ ‘Rudebox’ does not suffer from the same fate of ABBA and the Beatles. Mostly because the album is quite funny. In a good way though.
I think I should skip work tomorrow and sit at...
Yep. That’s a good idea.
2 tags
Olivia Munn becomes Daily Show's New Correspondent... →
popculturebrain:
According to an audience member report, Jon Stewart will introduce Olvia Munn (G4’s Attack of the Show, NBC’s upcoming Perfect Couples) as the newest member of the correspondent team. Is there anything she doesn’t do? Girl is busier than Ryan Seacrest.
I think I speak for all of us when I say BITCH! STAY AWAY FROM JOHN OLIVER!
3 tags
uh...
curliestofcrowns:
also thomas lennon.
I DON’T KNOW. I’M SORRY. I’M SORRY.
Thomas Lennon is pretty hot.
greengrey:
thesebananasaresohardtoeat:
greengrey:
It’s not fair, of all the awesome people in NJ, I meet P Diddy. Or Diddy. Or whatever he’s calling himself.
Why can’t I run into Colbert? Oh, that’s right, I rarely leave my house.
If you come to the Chili’s in Staten Island, I hear you can see the Situation in his natural habitat.
Doing shots and showing his abs!?
Yes, and enjoying...
greengrey:
It’s not fair, of all the awesome people in NJ, I meet P Diddy. Or Diddy. Or whatever he’s calling himself.
Why can’t I run into Colbert? Oh, that’s right, I rarely leave my house.
If you come to the Chili’s in Staten Island, I hear you can see the Situation in his natural habitat.
1 tag
